Are we friends on Facebook? Do I follow you on Twitter? If so, you must be a badass. Seriously, it takes a lot for me to want to be connected with certain people online. Sure, you are cool in real life, but I’m not interested in hearing about how bad your life sucks and that life isn’t fair via Facebook status updates. Is this you?
On the flip side, there are people that I am friends with on Facebook, I “like” their business page, and I follow them on Twitter. Most likely these people are cool as hell in person, they post things on their Facebook page that I find interesting/hilarious, they post things on their business page occasionally that shows off their creative talents, and they seem to post inspiring tweets on Twitter. I love these people!
But this post isn’t about them. This is about what not to do. The things that annoy me so much, I don’t want to be your Facebook friend. Sure, I’m not going to be an asshole to your face and say “Hey, I’m tired of hearing about your tarantula named Chauncy. Don’t ever speak to me again!” I’m not that cold. So here is my list of social networking pet peeves.
1. You are the most depressing person in the world. Sure, I may post something like “Damn I’m frustrated.” or “I’m having a bad day.” But some people go overboard and post things like “No matter what I do, life sucks and I just want to drive off a cliff like Thelma.” or “I’ve been crying for 78 hours straight because my boyfriend broke up with me and I can’t go on being single. I just keep reading our love letters over and over.” Blah, blah, blah. Keep that Debby Downer shit to yourself.
2. You invite me to join Mafia Wars and Farmville. Am I 5 years old? No. Do I care how much corn you are growing this season on your fake farm? No. I do not go on Facebook to play games, and I certainly don’t go on there to see others play games. I was never a fan of The Sims, and I do not plan on being a fan of the modern versions of those games. I don’t care if Tony “The Rat” Pascatabalallini threatens me, I’m still not going to join your Mafia.
3. You like and/or comment on every single thing I post. True, it may be a small ego booster for me when people like the things I say or post, but it’s pretty annoying when I look at my notifications and it’s this mile long list all from the same person. You my “friend” need to get some real friends and go explore the world a bit more. Better yet, maybe you should get run over by a Farmville tractor or something.
4. You ask me to be your friend and I have no idea who you are. Yes, I usually add just about everyone who requests to be my friend. I’m a curious person and maybe my memory has slipped and I just forget who you are. But when I look at your profile and still don’t recognize you, I will likely be deleting you. If we have very similar interests, I might keep you around for a while. But you are on thin ice, and you better prove to me how badass you are. Also, every couple months, I go through and delete a ton of people. Are you next?
5. We never actually communicate. The whole reason for these social media sites is to communicate. If you are stuck on mute, goodbye! Don’t just sit back and stalk me. I post where I’m at and what I’m doing a lot. If I don’t trust you, I don’t want you knowing what I’m doing and where I’m at. Again, goodbye!!
6. You are too political and/or religious for me. I will be honest, I am not into politics at all. I am not well educated in the area of religion. Therefore, if the majority of your content revolves around political/religious issues, I’m deleting you. I’m glad I live in the USA, I have voted before, and I believe in God, but some people get too deep into it, and almost seem to force you to believe what they believe. I’m not into that. Later.
7. Your account seems to have been hacked into. Oh, so you are gonna show me how many people have looked at my profile? I can access all of my friends passwords? Wait, you answered a question about me? Awesome!! Delete!
8. You are related to me. There are a few exceptions, but for the most part, I do not add my family on the social networking sites. It’s not that I’m not for being transparent, but there are some things I say or do that probably isn’t family-friendly. Do my cousins need to see me drinking at a truck show? Does my aunt need to hear me randomly cursing up a storm? So at the next holiday dinner, we can all talk about the barely clothed girl in the video I recently posted. Spare me the awkwardness.
9. You don’t have a profile photo. How hard is it to add a photo to your Twitter account? It’s actually pretty easy but I’ve seen so many people have that stupid egg still! Hell, even my girlfriend had the default image until I made her change it yesterday. Anything is better than that dinosaur egg. Plus, social networking is all about being more transparent. So let me see your face, or your company logo if you are hideous.
10. You don’t have a bio. Again, this is super simple to create. Just type out 160 characters about yourself, what you tweet about, or what your business is about. You just seem to be a spammer without having a bio. Again, be personal and open!
11. You don’t have a website listed. It’s 2011, everyone has a website, a blog, or at least a social profile somewhere besides Twitter. List it here. Just type in the url and you are good to go.
12. You never tweet, re-tweet, or have public conversations with anyone. So why are you even on Twitter? Because someone told you that you’d make a ton more money if you started a Twitter account? Punch them. If you aren’t going to use it, you might as well just lose it.
13. You tweet way too much. When I check Twitter, if all I see is you, sorry, you’ve got to go. I’m not saying what you post isn’t important or inspiring, but I’m not gonna spend hours everyday checking in with you. I’m ok missing out on your few daily inspirational tweets just so I don’t have to dig through hundreds of tweets to find them.
14. All you do is try to sell me shit. Ya, I’m not interested in you if all you tweet about is how I can save $1.17 off a fake Gucci purse. You belong at a flea market. Speaking of fleas, you are a real pest!
So now you understand where I’m coming from and what really bugs me. But just because you may fall into one of the above peeves, don’t think that I’m going to immediately delete you. In fact, there are several people that I’m still friends with on Facebook that annoy me. How do I deal with them? It’s easy, I just hide them and everything they post from my news feed. This is the subtle approach I take when you suck, but I’m not brave enough to let you know. It shows we are still friends, but I see nothing about you.
This is easy on Facebook, but it’s a little harder to block “the noise” on Twitter. I call it noise because that’s what it really is. If I come back a few hours later and check my news feed and all I see is a couple random posts from other people but tons from you, you are too noisy for me to hear the people I am really interested in hearing from. I hear conversations like this all the time:
Friend 1: Hey did you see what Friend 2 posted last night???
Me: No, why?Friend 1: How did you not see it? I know you are friends with them on Facebook. They posted about it several times.
Me: Well I probably hid them cuz they annoy me. So what annoying thing did they post that I have to know about?Friend 1: That’s rude! But anyways, they went to the store, again, to buy more sour cream. Hahaha, get it!?!?
Me: (secretly hiding Friend 1 from my Facebook news feed…)
And I’m sure there are reasons people hide or delete me. I know for a fact that people probably get annoyed with me for some, if not all, or the following reasons:
1. I post a lot of photos of my cat.
2. I talk about what I am eating.
3. I talk about the weather.
4. I probably post an average of 8 times a day. To some people this is way too much. I think this is about average. I used to post probably 20 times a day. I’ve calmed down a bit. But I see some people who post 20+ times a day and I don’t hide them. This is because they post epic shit!
5. I post links to blog posts on my site.
6. I curse at least once every few posts.
7. I may appear to be an alcoholic (which I’m not, at least not anymore).
8. I have a weird sense of humor, and some people just don’t get it.
Regardless, I feel like I have some true fans out there. You people are awesome! So do me a favor, post up a comment about this post. Let me know what really bothers you on Facebook or Twitter. It can be your pet peeves or things I do that bother you. I’m excited to hear what you got.
Thanks for reading! I’d love for you to come back, so please, do me and yourself a favor: subscribe via RSS, subscribe via email, or follow me on Twitter.
Photo by baileyraeweaver